Sarah

Sarah.
I’ve been asked about the mysterious Sarah and we’ve gotten enough time under the belt where I feel more relaxed in telling you about her. Part of the reason that I’ve waited so long I’m sure I don’t have to spell out for you. The Ariel fiasco left a bad taste in everyone’s mouth and honestly after the complete and utter fool I made of myself with that whole thing, I considered taking this blog back to what it originally was, just a WOW blog with stupid little factoids that I found interesting and though no one else knew just yet.
As you can tell, I’ve decided to continue to share my exploits. Not because I’m a sucker for punishment but because I feel that since I’ve already started this, I should see it through. If you’ve read this steadily you’ve seen me at my worst, it can only get better right?
So, after the Ariel fondue that I ended up mixing, I decided to take some time to myself. For about a week I went about my business, I did a lot of writing, I got together with friends, and I just spent time by myself. It was great. I was very thrilled to just me. I got some good story ideas going and everything. (I’m still dabbling in them)
Remember, this was also the week of my birthday. I spent three days getting happily buzzed with friends and family. Then on Sunday I was supposed to rest. Travis and Jen recruited me to help them move some things but as it turned out we got a stay of execution. So I didn’t have to go.
At this same time Sarah’s going through some shit. See, Sarah ended up in a similar situation like I did in the same time frame. While I was burning life away with Ariel, she was getting played a rag named Troy. A Juggalo (Points if you know what this means, if you know what this means and you ARE one…well then….ick.)
Troy won the fair lady’s heart in a cheap way. She was already wounded; he swooped in and made himself look like the knight valiant. Trouble is that he couldn’t keep up the front just like Ariel couldn’t keep up hers. He strung her along, promised marriage, kids and the whole kit and caboodle. Does that sound familiar? So that weekend the façade drops and Troy walks. He’s been living with her this whole time but still had a fiancée that had just had surgery waiting for him as well. It was some sick game, a game where they find ways to make each other so jealous they figure out they can’t live apart and Sarah had been caught in the cross fire.
We’d been keeping in contact for a while now. She would root me on with my relationship with Ariel and I would do the same for her and Troy, send updates and when my bubble popped and found out what was truly what, I let her know. So when it happened to her, she did the same. That’s when we decided to meet up for a meal. We both needed to vent, we needed to talk to someone who had been through something similar and would understand how we felt.
Meeting her was like falling back into routine. We’d been messaging back and forth on MySpace for a bit but it was our first encounter. There wasn’t any of the awkwardness that you usually expect to encounter when meeting someone for the first time, it was like we just hadn’t seen each other in a bit and things were back to status quo.
We went to Shari’s, the local eatery, and just talked. We talked for about fourteen hours straight that first day. We spent a good while at Shari’s, then went to a park near her house, decided we were hungry again and went back to Shari’s.
Okay, you’ve read this far. At least I hope you have. If you’re anything like my friends Jen and Travis you are at this point shaking your head and thinking, "Dude, what are you doing?"
Before I left to meet Sarah I had Jen and Travis over at my place. We had just finished some beers and were hanging out. I told them I was going out to counsel someone, which is exactly what I was headed out to do, that was my mindset. That’s all I had in mind. They warned me. They told me to just do what I was going to do, talk to her and then head home.
Here I am fourteen hours later and I have spent all day and night talking to her. I head home and get some sleep. In that conversation we covered a million topics it feels like and it went from coming out to counsel to having found a good friend to realizing that there was something more than that there, to understanding something pretty fundamental about each other. We matched. Plain and simple. Our frame of reference, our humor, our sense of honor and truth, our ways in handling certain things.
I went to see her again that Monday. I had the day off of course cause of my birthday and used it to my advantage, we spent another long day and half the night talking about things, sharing pasts and secrets and anything else that might come to mind.
Tuesday I met with Jen and Travis and it didn’t go like I thought it would. It was another ‘intervention Tuesday’ where they sat me down and told me what’s what. They of course voiced their concern.
"Bro, you’ve been spending a lot of time with this girl. Are you getting serious again? Are you falling head over heels? Leading with your head?"
What do you say to something like that. I admit, leaving M was the best and worst thing. I left her in hopes of finding someone better and up until that Tuesday I had possibly ONE or two people that I thought could fit the bill. How do you tell your best friends some song and dance they’ve heard before. At one point Travis told me he thought that having Ariel in our place had turned it into a crack house. My judgment has obviously been impaired when it comes to women.
"No, I’m not. I’m just taking it slow, seeing where it leads."
"What is it about her that you feel you need to keep seeing her?" Jen asked.
It was a question I didn’t want to answer. And I didn’t answer it for a while. We had been playing the question game about Sarah for hours now, there’s only so much you can take before it gets annoying.
"Notice how he’s not answering the question?"
That tore it, "Notice how I’m not answering cause I’m done answering your questions and this fucking game?"
Any other time, I probably would have laughed it off but for some reason, the line of questioning and mocking behind their voices really irked me. Jen and I went outside alone to talk after ten tense minutes.
"What was that about? Are you mad at me?"
"You kept pushing Jen."
"I always push. Why won’t you answer the question?"
Sigh, "You can’t tell Travis this. One of the main things that I like about her is that she reminds me of you. I didn’t have a lot of great role models when I was growing up and obviously my taste in women sucks. In many ways you’re my ideal. Not that I feel that way for you, you’re my sister. But I see how you are with family, with your daughter, with Travis and that’s the standard that I set my bar to. Sarah, in more ways than you know, is very much like you."
Does that make sense? Think about when you were single, or if you’re single now, who did you use as your standard? Who did you measure others by that you were interested in? For girls, it’s usually their dad. For guys, usually their mom. I can’t say that I felt that strongly about either. In my adult life Jen has been the one that points things out to me about a relationship that works. Why not use her as a measuring stick. Thing is that with Sarah, she was honestly and genuinely meeting the bar and surpassing it.
That answer quelled that uprising and I left their house with a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth. I felt like I hadn’t said enough, but they understood that it had to see it through. That night I went back to see her again after Jen and Travis and I talked to her about everything that was said, everything I thought and more. I had my first deep spiritual conversation that I hadn’t had in months. I was able to be silly, I was happy again.
The rest of the week went the same way. I’d want to hear her voice so I’d go see her, or call her. It wasn’t that puppy love feeling. It was a feeling of a cauldron finally being stirred up enough to be able to produce molten lava to seal up wounds.
That Thursday Sarah met Travis and Jen. Softball is a great place to talk. Jen liked her instantly, Travis not far behind.
That weekend I had her spend some time at my place alone. Talking, enjoying the company, feeling everything out to see if we would drive each other nuts. We didn’t. Instead we grew closer. We were willing to be honest with each other about everything.
When M called that weekend, and asked for money for more medications, Sarah was there holding my hand the entire time. She didn’t tell me what to do, she listened.
When I had my accident a couple of days ago I didn’t get one recrimination, what I got was love, support, understanding and respect. After everything settled down and we were able to talk in private, she cried. They weren’t tears of anger like I expected but of fear losing me.
For once I feel like it’s a partnership. I feel like I’ve found someone who gets me but also more than that, gets things about me that even I don’t see. If you notice though, this is very different for me. It’s mature in a way that there isn’t a bunch of bickering, nit picking or placing blame. We’re working together on everything that comes our way.
Next Tuesday the 14th will be a month since this started. I have known a lot of peace in that month. I don’t feel like I have to showboat or pretend and neither does she.
I’m hesitant to say more of anything because I’m cherishing every moment of this time with Sarah. She is truly one of a kind and it’s something that I’m cautious with. I will mention her more often and now that you have some of the background hopefully you’ll get it.

Brushing...

It’s been a bit since I made an entry. I figured now would be the best time to do it.
I’m going to start backwards, instead of catching you up.
These last two days have sucked and been good in their own ways. Monday morning I woke up ready to go into work. I got dressed, new shirt, jeans, fedora, and sprung sneaks. I make my way out of room to the living room, getting ready to leave and I suddenly feel like a guy at a restaurant. I got all the fixings but I need a steak, I can’t find my keys.
My keys, my ever loving keys that start my car, my Saturn, my Betty and get me to work.. I can’t find them. I spent the weekend at the house of my girlfriend, it’s a high likely hood that that’s where they are. Unfortunately her mother lives forty five minutes away in the wrong direction. My day is shot. I call into work and I explain to them how I lost my stupid keys and I can’t come to work.
I call my insurance and they send pop-a-lock who is able to make me a spare key, for 65 dollars. Money I don’t have but NEED to spend since I use my car EVERYDAY! By the time I get my key done it’s 3 o’clock, the day is wasted but I spend the time to make dinner for Sarah for when she gets home. Why not right?
Tuesday is a brand new day. It’s also my late day. I wake up on time, get dressed and head out the door for work. I’ve got my spares in my pocket, a full tank of gas, half a pack of smokes and a nice cold beverage to keep me company. I head down the rural road (Hogan) that I take to hit one of the main drags (212).
Speed limit’s 45, so I’m cruising. I’m smoking a cigarette, rolling down in fifth gear. Hogan has two Y splits in the road. The last one takes you over about a country mile and then leads back down to 212. The difference is that Hogan has a school zone at the end of its bleed into 212 which slows you down considerably. Normally I would take the last Y out of Hogan and just continue to cruise.
For some unknown reason I didn’t take that Y turn yesterday morning. When I do I usually slow down some since it’s a bit of a curve and the road itself is windy. Instead I continue down Hogan, I hit the small hill and come down on the other side and I can’t feel traction on my wheels…at all. I swerve into oncoming traffic where there’s three cars coming. The first one is maybe one hundred fifty feet away. I can hear Cross Canadian Ragweed’s "Hey Hey" playing on my Ipod. My cigarette was tossed out the window and I’ve got both hands on the wheel. I try to correct the slip into the other lane, manage and then slip back. I figure at this point the only thing that matters to me is that everyone be safe.
I manage to keep the swerve going into the median, which is someone’s front yard. I end up spinning out of control, I spin probably twice, the thing that stops me is a giant oak pole that’s being used by the Hay Barn that I’ve driven into. It smashes my windshield and destroys my back end. I hear the pop of my radiator and see steam coming out of my engine. My air bags don’t deploy but I feel each impact as it happens all over my body.
You know what though? My life didn’t flash before my eyes, what did are the people that I care deeply about. I thought about Sarah, her smile and how she makes me feel. I thought about how I wouldn’t get to see Jen and Travis get married. I thought about how I wouldn’t see Annika grow up into a young woman. I thought about how I wouldn’t be able to see Ryan and Kristin’s first child. I thought about Jeremiah and how I wouldn’t see him become a man. I’d never see Shannon settle down.
The things that mean the most to us, the things that touch us and mold into who we are, are the things we cherish the most. I know what means the most to me, it’s the people that are in my life. The people that matter, warm my heart and help me become who I am supposed to be slowly.
So I shook off the glass from my hair and did a quick visual check, all limbs accounted for. The people running toward me kept saying something about how bloody I was, even though I didn’t have a scratch. The paramedics didn’t believe it, the cops were freaked out and the rubber neckers kept waiting for a stretcher that never came.
I’m alright. I’m stiff, a bit upset that I’ve totaled my car and I definitely have a respect for rural roads. I’m in the market for a car, any help? LOL