Tuesday, April 29, 2008

When the thrill of writing is gone.

I’ve sat at my desk the past few days wanting to write. I mean seriously sit down and just write something. Be it a story or maybe even a blog entry to just ease my mind, take me away from whatever it is that is going on currently.

I can’t.

Moreover, writing this is like pulling teeth, where earlier in the year I was POSITIVE I was going to have a productive writing year I am currently sitting here wondering if I’ll ever want to write again or have anything proactive to say. I don’t know. I know that there are people who still read this blog and I will up date it as much as possible with my life as I can. I know there’s people out there that are concerned over this stranger they’ve never met and I intend to be good enough to let them know how I’m doing.

However, I don’t know that the days of my rambling entries will ever come back. At one point I thought it was the dreaded Expansion Malaise that seems to strike us before a new update is supposed to come but the longer it goes the less it feels so. Instead it’s gone ahead and seeped into my bones and makes it so that when I sit in front of a keyboard is feel my stomach turn in knots.

I can’t say when this feeling will go away, or if ever. I will update you on my life, I will put up my MotW because it tickles me but for now, the shaman is going into hibernation for a bit. WoW is always going to be there and I’ll be around on the realms from time to time but right now, I have no light to give. I have no hope to consider. I can only wish you all best and pray that your lives go as intended and that you’re strong enough to ask for help if and when the time comes.

Be seeing you

Monday, April 28, 2008


I know I'm verbose. I sat down this morning and started writing an update but honestly it felt contrived and fake and I owe you guys more than that. I owe MYSELF more than that. So I'm going to wing it.

She was in the hospital for about a week and a half. They gave her three different diagnoses and none of them stuck.

Hemophalegic Migraines
Excessive Brain Fluid

She got lots of meds during her time there.

She came home on Wed of last week, slept all of Thursday, literally.

She's had termors the entire time she's been home and her mental capacity is no where near where it's been in the past. She knows it, I see it, it's driving both of us insane. It's like she's been regressed to a 13 year old mentally and she knows it.

I had to take her back in yesterday because of the tremors. They pumped her full of meds again and sent her home.

Right now all I can say is that I'm trying and I feel like not only am I failing but I"m losing my grasp on whether I give a shit or not.

I went out on Friday to de-stress and her mother pulled me aside and asked me if I was 'doing it for God'. If my decision to go out was because I was doing something for God or because I was running away.

Do I need to tell you just how ANGRY that made me?

I'm trying


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