Friday, May 16, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
There is nothing better in the world than knowing what you’re going to do tomorrow.
So at the end of the month I’m moving out. It’s official. During this weekend I’ve had several heart to heart’s with members of the family. The problem with a situation like the one that I’m in is that everyone hears what they want to hear. It’s the bane of existence as far as I’m concerned. If we actually listened and heard what was intended I don’t think so many communication problems would arise.
My Wife, M, has been more lucid recently. The reason for it is that is because last Friday morning I found out that she had already taken her month’s worth of meds in the short order of two weeks. After that she called me at work and asked me to steal a script for her from my office so she could have more meds…do I even have to tell you that it would never happen? I know I didn’t.
So during the weekend, because she hasn’t taken as many meds, she’s been better. She’s asked questions about the future and what I’m thinking. She knew that there was an issue between us; I’m not cold hearted guys. I am still trying to help her, I still console her when she’s crying and take care of her, but honestly I’ve really already decided my course of action. It’s the certainty that next month will bring more of the same that brings me to the conclusion.
I finally managed to sit and talk to the MIL. I told her how I felt. Moreover I laid out the entire family dynamic for her in a fashion that would show that I wasn’t being selfish or looking for the perfect woman. I am doing it because I am honestly tired of being an enabler. Make no mistake friends, looking at the last several years I know in my heart that it is EXACTLY what I am. I have watched her continually do this to herself and have allowed it to happen. Yes I have argued and spoken to her about it but ultimately I have left the decision to her.
Think about the family dynamic. There’s me, I work extremely hard and until recently I was what many could consider a complete shut in. Yes I play WOW and collect comics but that was as far as my vices went. The MIL is at work full time, comes home to eat and then goes upstairs to do homework, so really she’s never there. T, the fifteen year old, is home schooled. So that means that she’s home during the day to take care of M when she goes into a ‘relapse’ and then when I come home she looks to me for guidance. M is usually comatose and J the three year old is being raised by myself and T for the most part.
You look at that dynamic and tell me that it’s healthy and I’ll call you a liar. There’s no growth involved as a person in any of those situations. How are we growing if we’re in damage control mode all the time? How is there growth where there isn’t any intra personal communication going on? There isn’t.
That’s the rub of it folks and when I laid it out there for the MIL like that, well she finally got with the program! Imagine that! We’ve had three interventions for M in the past year and a half. Each time she was given an ultimatum and each time she agreed ONLY to go back on her word within a matter of time.
Yea, it’s time for a change. I’ve explained it, just like I’ve explained it to you to all parties involved and they finally get it. I’ve already spoken with a friend and he’s willing to let me be his roommate, which will help with expenses for me. Plus I’ll have a bud with me most times than not and I won’t feel like an outcast.
I’ve started playing WOW again now that I feel like I know where I’m going and why. I find it fun again, so happy about that. I’m working on getting my Shaman up to something close to looking like he’s loved. My druid continues to be my main and I’m going to make him make me some money here soon!
So, there’s the crisis at the moment. M wants me to keep the door open to the future but I don’t know that she can kick the habit and I’m unwilling to be put in this situation again. I need to feel like I’m accomplishing something and right now, with where I am, that’s not happening.
Guys, I thank you for the time and patience you’ve shown me. You’ve sent some great emails that have given me the ability to struggle forward and advice that I’ve taken to heart. (I’m looking at you Dax, I spoke with the church, they understand and agree). From here on out, while I may still give updates, I’ll begin to focus on WOW some more. Be ready. The Shaman is in office.