Thursday, April 3, 2008

Now Comes the Hard Part

Many people would believe that the hardest part of dealing with someone with an addiction would be to confront them. That’s not always the case.

As those of you who read this blog regularly know I’ve run into a bit of a rough spot in my life at this time with the Hooved Missus, turns out that she has a serious issue with addiction to medicated narcotics. I don’t think it’s her fault, at least not totally, as I do feel that doctors push a lot of meds to us and the tolerance just builds up in the body of a person, it’s life. Her fault lies in knowing this was happening, not telling anyone and not going to get help. So if you’re reading this and are thinking that I’m going to enable her, you’re wrong. I’m not. However, we’re all human, we all make mistakes, and I have to help her through this time at least, afterward time will tell.

The hardest part of a situation like this happening is the aftermath. The part where you have to look each other in the eye the next day and know you’ve said some stuff that hurt each other on purpose or otherwise and you still have to find a way to say I love you.

I think that’s something that no one should really have to deal with. Yes we all have fights, it’s common nature but how do you look at someone after they’ve had a week long bender and insulted you each and every single day and still say ‘I love you’? Many people would believe that’s it’s not possible, that a line has been drawn by the party who did the hurting and that it’s time to move on.

It’s not that simple. Why not?

Because if you could just leave the person without any remorse then honestly, you shouldn’t even be with them, if your sensibilities are to the point where you can’t look past something like that, then you need to check yourself. (I say this to myself as well as to those reading this) Love is supposed to be this unconquerable thing; it’s what made Kate hang onto Jack’s lifeless hand at the end of Titanic. It’s what made Troy go to war for Helena. It’s what Arthur and Lancealot ended up hating each other for.

If love is such a huge commodity, then why give up on it?

Shouldn’t you fight to make sure that there isn’t something left there? Personally I fought with this statement. I still hear her words in my head and when I look at my wife I still see that raging person that I had to deal with for a time but I also see the woman that I enjoy spending time with. I don’t want to give that person up and I don’t want to just walk away because she’s had a situation that she was out of control in.

/pastor hat

In the Good Book it says to turn the other cheek. There’s also an allegory that talks about getting workers to pick the crop for the season. The farmer makes the first call and says, “I need to get the crop picked, I’ll pay you (insert amount) for the day to get it done.” The workers get to it.

A few hours later he goes back out and gets more people, “I need the crop picked, I’ll pay you (Same amount) for the day to get it done.” The worker get busy. .

An hour before the end of the day the farmer goes out AGAIN, bring back more people, “I need this crop picked, I’ll pay you (same amount) for the day to get it done.”

One of the workers from the beginning of the day gets heated and goes up to the farmer, “I’ve been busting my hump all day and you’re telling me that these Johnny come latelies are going to get the same deal? Where’s the fairness in that?”

The Farmer smiles down at the worker and says, “They might not have started at the same time that you did but they’re doing just as much work at picking the crop now. Should I offer them less for the same work that you’re doing? Would you be happy if you were one of the last ones that decided to work for a deal that promised less than the best?”

What’s that mean? It means that even though we all screw up, we should all be given the same chance. We should all try to give each other the same amount of trust, respect, and chances that we would expect to be given if the roles were reversed.

/pastor hat off

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all be that way? We’re not, we’re human and in that statement that means that we’re pretty much flawed and we’re not going to turn the cheek. Most of time we’ll rub that cheek and stare at the culprit and make them feel the pain we feel but only emotionally instead.

I’m trying hard not to make her feel that emotional pain that she caused me. I’m trying to pick up the pieces and put my life back together. Time will tell how well a job I did but I’m not ready to give up yet. If not for her then for myself.


Softi said...

I really hope you find the woman you fell in love with again, you're doing such a great thing already by standing by her instead of leaving when things got bad.

That woman you love is still in there somewher, and she's is worth fighting for ;)

Cowcontroll said...

''For one human being to love another:
that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks;
the ultimate, the last test and proof,
the work for which all other work is but preparation.''

Be strong, i pray you get trough this....TOGETHER:-)


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