Thursday, August 20, 2009

Life Changes

I've made a sweeping clean out of the friends that I've known in the past year. I was leaning on them thinking that they had my best interest at heart when in reality the interest they were looking out for was their own. Which was unfortunate to learn.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I live and die for the people that I bring into my life. Sadly sometimes that's taken advantage of. This was the case with a large number of people that I had surrounded myself with.

Earlier in the year I had moved in with a couple of friends who needed a place to stay. That blew up in my face as they both found ways to break my trust, even before they moved in with me. After learning about the unfortunate betrayal I had a gut check moment and kicked one out. About a month later the other person showed their true colors and once again, out the door they went. That left me with the center that I'd had for a while. Jen, Travis and Tracey.

Problem was that as I was dealing with my own house, they were pulling on me as well. When I was on the verge of kicking of my roommates out Tracey came into a situation where she needed a place to stay. I have a big heart, almost too big... and while I knew I was being taken advantage of, I hated the thought of kicking someone out. Jen, Travis and Tracey put pressure on me during that time and basically put out a "Get it done and move Tracey in or we'll all stop talking to you!"

Emotional blackmail is not cool.

More over, if you have friends that are using it to get you to do something, reconsider the friendship. I did what I was asked to do, I kicked one out and let another move in. The friendships after that, well you can't really call them that anymore can you? In the back of your mind you're always wondering if another situation will come up where that same ultimatum is thrown at your feet making you deal with a difficult decision.

Looking back, I think those friendships were over the moment they cornered me the way that they did but for a few months after that I tried as best as I could to maintain it. It never worked the same, at all.It's one thing to tell someone how you feel about a situation, it's another to try and sway them in the worst possible way and then wonder why things aren't the same anymore.

Personally I mourned the loss of those friendships but their decisions put me at arm's length and I was never able to get comfortable again.So I lost five friends basically. Five people that I thought were going to be long standing people in my life, two for lying and three for trying to control me and manipulate me in a manner that I didn't want to be.

When things finally came to an end it was completely toxic. I would go over, get sad and go home feeling like less of a person because of them. They befriended an ex of mine to trash talk me with, even though, if she only knew just how much they sat there and blasted on her for who she was long after she was gone, she might reconsider the friendship she's trying to drum up with them. However to each their own.

/end rant

On to other things. While that was slowly going South I ended up meeting someone that blew everything out of the water...I met Crystal.

Crystal was a bit of a mystery to me when I met her (she still is in some ways but none of them are bad). She is confident, sure of herself, smart, funny, insightful, beautiful beyond words and has been able to keep up with me in several different ways. We took a little bit of time to feel out the water but when we were both comfortable, the fireworks really exploded and have continued to do so.

You guys know that I've been trying to find someone, someone that could basically allow me to be me but also challenge me to grow and grow with me. There aren't enough words to tell you how I feel about her. She has been a constant and a sounding board. She's been there to pick up the pieces and challenges me constantly to look beyond the paradigm that I have about life, love, art, and anything else we talk about. She's not much of a comic fan though (I guess no one's perfect :P).

After two weeks of being with her, we both knew where we wanted it to go and life went ahead and took over.

She's currently four months pregnant with our first child.

She has a little girl who's five, who I love with all my heart, she's outstanding, smart, funny and a bit of a prima donna, but what little girl isn't. The Lord takes away but also gives back in spades. He took me out of a situation that was going to literally kill me with my first wife and after a season introduced me to a woman that was beautiful in His eyes and mine.

We got married on July 17th and have had nothing but blessings since we met.

The latest is that while I've enjoyed my time working for Clackamas County, a better job has been given to me.

It all started on a lark. I've basically been living with Crystal for about three months. I've had my place and have being paying rent, my lease ran out this month and hers ran out this month as well. So we both started wondering. Did we want to re-up for another seven months where we were or did we want to look elsewhere?

Crystal's mom lives in Lewiston, Id. (Which is on the Wa/Id border) and she and Grace, our five year old, are thicker than thieves. It's noticeable when they're together because Gracie absolutely glows with happiness. Our original idea was for baby to be born and then maybe next summer move closer so that they could spend more time together.

So knowing our lease is up, I started looking for jobs within the Lewiston area. I found a hospital, St. Joe's. If you want an idea of what kind of hospital it is, think of the biggest hospital in your area where everyone wants to work. Applications are put in and usually it takes about six months to even get a response.

I put my application in for a position at about 9:30 in the morning. By 1 I had an email from them asking some additional questions. A week later they were gracious enough to do a phone interview with me and 24 hours later I was offered the position of Surgery Unit Clerk. Just like that the door opened. After praying about it and talking to Crystal, we made the determination to take the position and start asap.

So I start the 1st of Sept. Full benefits the day I start and they are giving tutition assistance. I also decided to go back to school and get the nursing degree I should've gotten forever ago. So that's my up to date. The house is packed. My notice for work and my apartment is given. The goodbye bash is being held tomorrow night and Yun's, the favorite Friday hang out and in a week's time we'll pack a U Haul and truck over into the Wa/Id area.

Nothing is done alone.

There have been people with me the whole time.

Jacqui - My rock. My best friend in many respects. We've cried and laughed with each other and basically raised hell. My cheerleader when I've needed it and momma bear when required. Hearing her laugh every day will be one of the things that I truly will miss the most. Diet Squirt, Pepporoni Sticks and Bar food will always remind me of the good and bad times.

Leah - the devil horned angel. The most quiet one when she wanted to be, never afraid to speak her piece or say what needed to be said to get me breakdown and deal with a situation. Her continued support and brightside manner kept me going even on the days when I wanted to be done. Our early morning conversations have always been a bright spot each day and I"ll miss them. Without her steely attitude and determination I might have given up long ago. Thanks for showing me how to stand tall, even when the world is on your shoulders.

Nola - heh. the new kid. She's fit right in and being able to bounce off of her has been a blessing. I'm glad that we got to know each other in the short time that we have. I pray that you continue on being who you are and never giving up on what you want to do or who you want to become.

I know there are more people but these three, kept me sane in the recent tough times and not acknowledging that would be unfair.

My final week in Oregon is coming up fast and I've got a couple of things to do before I can close up shop. It's been an adventure but one that has come to an end, at least for now. As always it's uncertain what the Man has in store for myself or my family.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm glad things are going well for you, man. Congratulations on both the marriage and the little one on the way. :) As always, take care


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