In the Cold

Things don’t always work out the way that you want them to. I’ll tell you from personal experience. I left my house when I was 14 because I couldn’t handle the type of life that my mom was living and I couldn’t handle the stress of the family I have. I’m not a loner, I can’t say that I’ve ever been one really, I enjoy the company of others and I’m always willing to help friends at the drop of a hat.

Still, it seems that even the best laid plans go to pot eventually. In my current situation I can’t say that I’m laying the best plans or any plans at all really but anything that I had been thinking about really has been put into question.

After my conversation with the MIL (Mother in Law), I didn’t do anything else. Why, you ask? Well simply put, while I’m not thrilled with the situation and it’s currently giving me gray hair, I wanted to wait to see if the Missuss would wake long enough for me to have a serious conversation with her to see if she would understand where I was coming from and why I was making the decisions that I was making. We’ve shared a lot together and she’s my best friend. I can’t imagine leaving her a “Dear John” letter for her to find and try to pick up the pieces with.

Yesterday she woke up for a little bit while I was getting ready for work. She retold me some stories that she had already told me earlier in the week and rehashed the same sentiments she had at that time. I listened and answered in the right places and everything else.

Her; “It feels like we’re not connected anymore.”

Me: “Well babe, we’re really not and we haven’t been in some time.”

She got quiet for a second and just watched me.

“I’m thinking about leaving.”

“I know, my mom told me last night when we were at the doctor’s office.”

Nothing hurts like a sack of bricks than hearing that one of the most intimate and important decisions in a relationship has already been discussed by someone else. Wouldn’t really bother me that they did talk about it but really, I hadn’t even talked to my wife yet and she had to hear it third party first. That’s not right or is it fair to her.

Tension at home I expected but what I find amusing is that the tension isn’t with my wife, it’s with her mother. I feel more and more like I made a mistake by being involved in a relationship where the mother is such an integral part of the relationship. I feel like I’ve failed at life currently. I’ve been led around the nose like a dog and I’ve got nothing to show for it expect emotional baggage.

How in the hell am I supposed to come home everyday knowing that there’s that one person that has betrayed my trust twice in as many days? I don’t even feel like I can be around the three year old for fear that I’ll do something wrong.
Some days… some days it’s harder to wake up than others