Thursday, May 8, 2008

In the Cold

Things don’t always work out the way that you want them to. I’ll tell you from personal experience. I left my house when I was 14 because I couldn’t handle the type of life that my mom was living and I couldn’t handle the stress of the family I have. I’m not a loner, I can’t say that I’ve ever been one really, I enjoy the company of others and I’m always willing to help friends at the drop of a hat.

Still, it seems that even the best laid plans go to pot eventually. In my current situation I can’t say that I’m laying the best plans or any plans at all really but anything that I had been thinking about really has been put into question.

After my conversation with the MIL (Mother in Law), I didn’t do anything else. Why, you ask? Well simply put, while I’m not thrilled with the situation and it’s currently giving me gray hair, I wanted to wait to see if the Missuss would wake long enough for me to have a serious conversation with her to see if she would understand where I was coming from and why I was making the decisions that I was making. We’ve shared a lot together and she’s my best friend. I can’t imagine leaving her a “Dear John” letter for her to find and try to pick up the pieces with.

Yesterday she woke up for a little bit while I was getting ready for work. She retold me some stories that she had already told me earlier in the week and rehashed the same sentiments she had at that time. I listened and answered in the right places and everything else.

Her; “It feels like we’re not connected anymore.”

Me: “Well babe, we’re really not and we haven’t been in some time.”

She got quiet for a second and just watched me.

“I’m thinking about leaving.”

“I know, my mom told me last night when we were at the doctor’s office.”

Nothing hurts like a sack of bricks than hearing that one of the most intimate and important decisions in a relationship has already been discussed by someone else. Wouldn’t really bother me that they did talk about it but really, I hadn’t even talked to my wife yet and she had to hear it third party first. That’s not right or is it fair to her.

Tension at home I expected but what I find amusing is that the tension isn’t with my wife, it’s with her mother. I feel more and more like I made a mistake by being involved in a relationship where the mother is such an integral part of the relationship. I feel like I’ve failed at life currently. I’ve been led around the nose like a dog and I’ve got nothing to show for it expect emotional baggage.

How in the hell am I supposed to come home everyday knowing that there’s that one person that has betrayed my trust twice in as many days? I don’t even feel like I can be around the three year old for fear that I’ll do something wrong.
Some days… some days it’s harder to wake up than others

1 comment:

Softi said...

I can't believe your MIL did that :(

Can't really think of anything to say that will cheer you up in any way, but I'll leave ya som ((hugs)) anyway.

One day you'll look back on this and know who you are again.


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