Monday, June 16, 2008

Realization

Me, Travis and Jen

The Dirty Half Dozen (go with me on this) Brandon, Mandy, Tracey, Josh and Tommy

How was your weekend Loyal Reader? Hopefully wherever in the world that you are, you’ve had a good time, enjoyed your life and haven’t put yourself in hock doing it.

So this begins week 3 of this little thing called my life. If you don’t know what I’m talking about then you have to go back and read some of my other posts. A recap would take just as long to type up as this post will and I just don’t want to fully relive it, so I hope you understand.

In any event, let me fill you in on what’s going on so that you know how I’m doing. I’m still living at my friend Ryan’s house. I’m waiting for my room to become available at the one place but it seems that Ryan and his wife, Kristin, miscalculated finances and me being there has given them a little more money that they weren’t sure they were going to have. In a sense I’m helping them as they help me, that is a blessing. I usually only show up to sleep and shower, I do eat with them when I get the chance but because Ryan works security and has odd hours, it doesn’t happen often. It’s an interesting dynamic but thankfully we don’t get on each other’s nerves. I may be there another week, to help them but also because that room is still up in the air. (just waiting on the one guy to move out but he’s firmly ENTRENCHED…)

This weekend was a BLAST! You can not even being to know the fun that I had, well wait, you will know cause I’ll tell you! Friday was a mellow night, I went over to a friend’s house because she had just gotten bad news that some of her relatives had gotten into a fatal car wreck and needed some laughs, of course I’m the person to call. We went out had some food and started watching a mini series called, the 10th Kingdom. If you’ve never watched it, it’s out on DVD and very entertaining.

Saturday night I was asked to go Glow Bowling. I don’t know if this happens everywhere but here in Oregon, many of the bowling alleys shut down the lights, turn on some black lights and let you bowl for two hours, non stop for 12 dollars a head. It’s a lot of fun, good music and silly times. We had a pretty big group that night.



Cast of characters:
Brandon – 25 year old guy. Gamer, mainly XBOX 360, seems okay, this is the first time that I’ve met him. I have to admit that he seems a little arrogant but had his good moments.
Josh – 27 year old guy, brother to Brandon, also a gamer. A LOT more mellow, the personality he carries is very much my own, tongue in cheek, catch a joke at the spur of the moment and Pendleton drinker. Excellent guy and someone that I wouldn’t mind hanging with regularly.
Mandy – 20 year old girl, sister to Josh and Brandon. Tiny little thing full of piss and vinegar. I would not want to cross her on a bad day. Seems to have a nice heart and a good idea of where she wants her life to go. Second most outgoing of the three siblings.
Tommy – 22, dude. Mandy’s boyfriend. This Mo-hawked guy has some ties to some not so nice people in Oregon but he struck me as genuine and I liked that about him. He drives a beat up Supra that will blow its seals if it goes past 110. (heh)
Tracey – 35, lady. I met her a week or so prior and we decided to hang out. Very nice person, funny and feisty. She’s a person you want on your side, and one you’d regret to have against you.
Travis – I’m sure you’ve heard about him.
Jen – You’ve heard about her.
Me – Duh.

So we met at Brandon and Josh’s house and headed over to the bowling alley from there. Now you have to know by now that I enjoy having fun. To me having fun is just as much watching a movie as it is going out to have drinks. Tracey hadn’t been out in a while so we got some pints of alcohol, Skyy Vodka and Pendleton. I figured, shots for everyone who wanted it and we wouldn’t spend much at the bowling alley.
Jen and Travis are always fun, especially when they’ve got some drinks in them. What I didn’t know was that Tracey was also that way LOL.
We were there until 1am. Had a blast, we took several pictures of the event, simply because it was that fun lol.

On Sunday I went to a Softball double header. Travis is part of a beer league and we decided to give him his own little cheering section. Oregon’s finally getting sun in for the summer so we had the ability to enjoy the nice weather and watch the game. I got a little darker since I don’t burn and it looks good.

The fun that was had wasn’t because we were blitzed, at least I wasn’t. It was because we were with friends and honestly, family, that’s what friends up becoming if you give them the chance. I didn’t stare at my computer screen for hours on end, I enjoyed the time given to me and my friends to the hilt.

I’ve taken a step back from playing so much, the majority of why is because I have a social life now. Something that I haven’t had in a long time. It’s rejuvenating and refreshing.

I will say this though. I didn’t go over to M’s house once this weekend, I didn’t even think about it. I won’t say that it’s not still a fresh wound but it is one that’s scabbing over if I don’t sit there and pick at it. I’m not heartless, not in the slightest. Seriously though, not having to worry about stupid non sense and what’s going to happen tomorrow is enlightening. I did get a call from M this morning. She was in tears and asked why I hadn’t come over during the weekend. I explained to her that I had other things to do and really hadn’t dwelled on it.

At the moment she’s trying to convince me to give her another chance. Now she believes that if we move out of her mom’s house and have our own place that it will solve the problems that are currently plaguing us. She feels that she’s seen the error of her ways and that I should give it another go.

I don’t see myself doing that. You have to understand, for those of you thinking I’m evil, that making the move that I did, it really, it really took a long time for me to do. It’s not something that I decided overnight or something that I came to lightly. It’s about my sanity. I don’t care who you are there’s only SO much you can take at any given time and I went well beyond it. The fact that I had to leave for her to get the message to me, it’s heartbreaking. I have to be away from her to understand just how messed up the situation is. Add to that the fact that I’d be going back without knowing for SURE what was going to happen with her. There would always be that gnawing in the back of my head that I didn’t know everything, that everything could crumble again at the drop of a hat… then what would I do? I don’t know that I’d have the courage to pull this off again and I know that while my friends love me and respect all my decisions, I would be doing the same thing I complain about. I would be someone who’s enabling, someone who sees all the angles but doesn’t have the nuts to play one.
I don’t see her in the big picture at the moment. I’m sure that time has passed. I will mourn the relationship, who doesn’t. I can’t go back though. That’s just me. As always you’re willing to give me your opinion. You guys, the readers, you guys inspire me as you continue to read this blog even though it’s gone well past what it used to and I appreciate all the input I get, because I know that there’s different ways to handle things, people view life differently. You need that to make an educated decision. Thank you all.





3 comments:

Softi said...

Well, you know what? I think this is the first post of your's that I've read that sounds like the real 'you'... having fun and starting to enjoy life again!

I think it would be a bad decision for you to go back with M now, like you said - you'll always be wondering. Not a nice way to live your life.

gamedame said...

Agree 100% with Softi! You don't sound cold and heartless whatsoever. Anyone who's read your blog in the last 6 months or so knows -- and anyone who's dealt with abusive relationships knows... THAT YOU ROCK!

Raffa said...

And, if I were to choose, I would agree with the last two posts. However, as always, it is all up to you. How is the playground as of late? Still having fun despite the sand in your shorts, right?

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