Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Coming to Terms..

As the time goes by from where I was and where I’m heading I feel clearer headed. It appears that I’m not the only one. More on that in a second.

I spent some more time with Amy this weekend. She’s a very interesting woman and keeps me on my toes. We talk about anything of interest and don’t feel the need to fill the empty spaces of silence with noise. Take note, that’s an important aspect of being with someone else, you will not always have something intelligent or worth while to say, sometimes saying nothing means more.

Friday night I did try to impress. I picked her up at her place, she was looking very pretty and I took her to a little Italian place near me called Giuseppe’s which has great food and they tend to feed you like they love you, if you catch my drift. Then one of her friends started texting us.

Meet Yeti. Yeti is a twenty year old guy who doesn’t have many friends his age. Amy has basically adopted him as one of her kids. He’s bright, funny and twenty. Don’t get me wrong I’m not age discriminating but there’s things I’ve picked up from him that raise a bit of a flag and then there’s things from him that I’ve found that just make me scratch my head. He’s recently been dumped by his current sweetheart and is going through the ‘no one will love me’ blues. I don’t need to tell you guys what it was like to be 20. A month was an eternity.

I had spent some time with her during the week but in the company of friends. We hadn’t really gone out on a DATE since the week prior and while I love socializing, I want to get to know someone better and that’s something that you do alone. Over dinner, drinks, a walk or what have you. He was lonely and wanted us to go see Hellboy 2 with him. Any other time I might have taken him up on it, it’s a movie that I’m interested in but really, I’m seriously more interested in getting to know Amy better…

Text Reply from Yeti: What’s up with you guys? Why are you being anti-social?

Okay, anyone who’s started seeing someone can attest that being told you’re anti-social is NOT okay. You both try to find that balance between the friends and lifestyle you were leading and the person you’re interested in and they’re schedule. I did invite both Yeti and Amy over to my place the Wednesday before. We played Scrabble, talked shit, laughed a lot and they both left at the end of the night. The day after that I met her step kids and we spent time playing with them and such… then I went home, alone. So far as we are both concerned, we’ve been good.

We tell him so and move onto the dinner. Which was divine and as we’re sitting there enjoying this meal, we both keep thinking about Yeti. Because we can both hear him calling out for help in his own way. He’s hurting and has no one to turn to. We’re the only friends he has close to his age. So we’ve been at dinner for maybe forty minutes when we both decide, let’s make an exception. Just this once, we’ll go ahead and answer his call for help on our night together and help him through his rough patch.

We went to see Hellboy 2 (when we decided to help him we had to grab our food and run, it was a half hour drive to a movie that started in 45 minutes) and it sucked. Yes I said it, don’t go see it, rent it. I wanted to walk out of the movie, which never happens.

After the movie we went to Shari’s (Think Denny’s if you don’t know what I’m talking about) ordered some desert and talked him out of his blues. It was after 1am when we were said and done with him. Do you have any idea how sad that is? Talk about a date killer.

There in lies the rub with Yeti. While I think he’s a cool kid, he can very easily be a 3rd wheel. I’m affectionate but doing it around him feels odd so we’re more like little friends. He watches us. Which brings me to my next little bother.

He’s into Amy. Amy, sweetheart that she is, doesn’t see it. She doesn’t have a very high self esteem; much like me I suppose and doesn’t see where he would. I pointed it out to her over dinner not long ago, before I met him based off of the things that she told me. I told her for two reasons.

One – I need to know the playing field. If I don’t know what I’m getting into, then I’m going to have issues. It’s bad enough that you’re trying something new but if you’re doing something new and you’re already behind the eight ball of some unrequited love, well then you’re hosed.

Two – If I was already picking up on it and I hadn’t met him, it was a strong thing. If I waited to tell her until AFTER I met him, it would seem like some petty boyfriend thing instead of what it was, truth. The truth was and to some extent is, that he’s taken with her. The question of why doesn’t factor in because, she’s easy to be taken by.

So part of my reason for helping him is because honestly I like the guy. In any different situation I might have been good buds with him off the start but because of how we met, I think we’re both playing with kid gloves. The other part is, regardless of whether he’s taken with Amy or not, she cares about him like a son, that’s enough for me to care about him as a person.

Saturday was a little different. I helped clean her cottage for a bit and then she had some things to do and Travis and Jen wanted to hang out with me so we went out separate ways and then my ex called.

The funny thing about an ex sometimes is that no matter how happy you are at the moment they call you, they’re able to bring you down from that cloud in about 2 seconds and remind you just how shitty they made you feel. Moreover it’s like being in a meery-go-round without the merry involved since all they want to talk about is why you can’t give them another chance. Why you feel it’s never going to work. How they forgave some little thing in your past and this is the same thing, which it’s not.

So she asked me again, “Why can’t you?”

“Aside from the abuse and all the other crap? Okay, let me put it in perspective. Let’s say you catch me cheating, you’re going to be pissed BUT you know that if you give me another chance, well there’s a better chance of things working out. You’ll keep tabs on me and I’ll be remorseful and unwilling to do that again. If it was an affair, I could forgive it and move on. This isn’t an affair, it’s something worse. I can’t keep constant tabs on what you’re taking or how often. I can’t be with your 24/7 to ensure that you don’t relapse and I sure as shit can’t be the person you turn to all the time to tell you what to do and how to do it. I don’t trust you.”

Since then she’s chilled out some. I don’t get as many texts and she doesn’t call. I felt like I should help her with money but I don’t want her to keep thinking that it means we might get back together. She may just go the way of the Dodo. Time will tell.

Silver lining – Grey Cloud.

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